that winter, the conjunctive tissue of my innerworld started to crack with the very loud noise. fastened only by my affections and aspirations, it couldn't bear the flow of despair, that came with the first snow. i have to confess - there was not enough resistance shown from my side. it was even interesting to know, where this could lead me - warning through life on the path of selfdestruction, feeling bitter joy after one more burned bridge left behind. i wandered at the streets, becoming almost intangible, driven by the cold wind, chased by the untold words.and when the cold of loneliness started to be very strong, i became aware of the end of my way - void. null. nothingness. darkness. it grasped me, filling my consciousness, suppressing the remnants of humanenness. subdueing my chances to run away. and i came to understanding - a few more steps in that direction or just simple inactivity, and i'll become totally erased.

and then, the spring came. slowly penetrating every snowdrift, melting and washing away frozen dirt from the face of the earth, the sun spoke to me - live! develope, become a sunbeam, bring light, dig your heart from the sand. i felt, that larvaes, gnawing my memories, become butterflies and fly away, darkness melts and fullfills with light.

the world stayed the same. people haven't got more joy and love. renaissance of fractured souls haven't came to reality. but now i'am sure, it is always here, inside of me - an inmost sun.

elfh